DT Lindsey, CO

Much has changed since 2010. Much has remained the same. I live in a new house while I'm not at the station, as does my future wife, the lovely Miss R. We have adopted a weasel, and she composes the majority of our entertainment at the present time

 The world keeps spinning, turning and flying through the great unknown, and the expectations of so many concerning the future is nothing but an illusion. This realization is discomforting to some, as an unpredictable future tends to cause fear in the minds of those who believe that they are in control of their lives. Silly Rabbit!! Worry can and should be replaced by hope, and assumptions by the conscious endeavor to preserve faith despite all potentially negative circumstances. What right has anyone to complain or fret about a situation which they have made no effort to improve?

The weather is improving, despite occasional days of rain and the most recent snow storm in the area. Today is a beautiful day in La Push, but terribly cold. I am scheduled to stand the watch until 1400, and I hope to standby in Forks tonight with my pal Jake to spend time at home with R & her enthusiastic and spirited cousin, Miss Rebecca. As tomorrow is Becca's last day in Washington State, I would relish the chance to sit and hear her thoughts on life over a cup of coffee. I may not have this opportunity again anytime soon.

Though there have been many opportunites for me to write again over the last few weeks, the reason that I have chosen to contribute to this blog today is that this duty period marks the point in my career, of which I was aware upon swearing into the US Coast Guard, that I knew I would have to face eventually. It has not been unknown among my shipmates here, since the day that I reported, that I have made a moral decision never to bear arms against another human being. Not only do I not believe in forcefully bestowing one's will upon another, whether that be the will of one man or of the authoritative human forces governing the one man's actions, I also do not believe that weapons make increasingly bad situations better. I understand that if someone is going to harm you, whether that be with a gun or knife or fist or insult, if you hurt them first that betters your chances of not getting hurt. Or does it? Of course it would be ideal to not put yourself in that position at all, but bad things do happen to good people. Truly, worse things happen to to people who make dangerous people feel threatened. If I kill someone else before they kill me or kill someone else, does that make me a hero? Did the fact that I had the ability to kill them within my power influence their decision to act in such a way?

Would I like to see the entire world disarmed? Damn straight, dude. Is this realistic? Not right now, but eventually, I think so. Albert Einstein once said something along the lines of, "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." It is with Thoreau's belief that there are "thousands hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root" that I live my life and pursue this decision not to bear arms. I have been working for the Coast Guard for nearly a year and a half and have not witnessed a single situation where the need to bear arms was even slightly necessary. If a fisherman decides to go homicidal and try to kill everyone in blue, that is a tragedy in more ways than one, but prevention of such an incident should include more creative methods than gunfighting. I understand that "guns don't kill people, people kill people," but guns don't make anything better.

Recently, I saw a news report that showed surveillance of a man in Detroit who opened fire with a shotgun in a police station in Detroit. Four officers were wounded, but the only person who died was the gunman. I am in no position to break down this incident and give my opinion about how this could have been avoided, but this man had to know that this act was going to end in his death. What would this incident have amounted to if the gunman knew he was walking into a station of unarmed officers? What this incident and the many similar situations that happen throughout the world on a daily basis suggest is that it is far too easy for hateful, dangerous people to attain weapons. The only way to stop this is to greatly reduce the number of weapons that are sold (if not to entirely stop producing firearms and ammunition entirely, even as ridiculous as that may sound to the many conditioned and literally brainwashed members of civilization). If I can be one less person who wants to own a firearm and therefore have the ability to kill easily at my disposal, then let it be so. I refuse to live in fear, and refuse to let fear of others determine my actions, and if that makes me vulnerable to those who may desire to take my life for their own reasons, then I will be vulnerable and unafraid.

A true hero is not the badass with a gun that is portrayed on the Screen, but the one who believes in a better world for every living thing and stands by the principles that he believes to be true to make that world a reality no matter what the consequences be for him.

It is for this belief that I hold and live that my current employer, the United States Coast Guard, may in their own words label me a "Conscientious Objector". This will come about after a series of interviews with administrators in Seattle who will conspire to determine my "level of conviction" in this matter. The consequences of their decision could have more than one outcome, including potentially discharging me from the service, which I joined willingly to gain hands-on experience helping and serving the people of the United States so as to make myself a more valuable asset to humanity at large.

I love my country, but my love does not stop there. This is why I believe what I believe, and forsake these beliefs for no one.




"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
Maybe pursuing these ideas as Truths makes me unfit to serve my country? We shall see...

Semper Paratus.

Orange day in La Push

Strange to think... Beginning from one hour before now, I shall be standing standing communications watch at Ja Coast Guard Stashun Quillayute River in La Bouche, Washington (State), until several hours post-sundown. Whilst I do this deed, my entire family shalt be congregating with my lovely young Lady-friend, Rachel Wappel, and Company, in Edmond, Oklahoma, the town where I didst endure my childhood and early teen years.

that's weird.

Not weird because this particular selection of persons will be dining amongst each other, which is a normal thing to do for such conversation and familiarization rituals, but weird because these people are all connected by one factor:

The current Coast Guard Stashun Quillayute River communications watchstander in La Bouche, Washington (State).

that's weird.

It would be dishonest of me to say that I am not amused by the idea of this social gathering in the name of my love for Rachel (which it totally is), but I do still feel ever-so-slightly distraught at having to be standing this damn watch at Coast Guard Stashun QYwilltuyekl Rio while my family and the woman who drives me out of my mind with no more than a glance in my direction (and Company) meet to grow as friends with the increasing awareness of what future family tidings lay ahead.

Yes, I am amused. It is an encouraging thought, knowing that in two weeks precisely from this moment, in which I am typing a "blog" (what does that word even mean?) and preparing to do a Bar Restriction Broadcast in less than one minute from now (screw it, I'll just do it right now. Stand by...), I shalt be driving hither from Dallass Texass (hehehe) with that girl sitting right next to me.

Freekin Hoyt! (Quileute term which means somethin totally radical that I don't actually know)

Anywho. So I will push on through, occasionally pulling a carrot out of my pocket to keep me occupied.

Just because you don't carry a stash of carrots in your cargo pockets to get you through the day when you have to sit at a desk for eight hours and answer phones and listen to the radio and make broadcasts that maybe a handful of people actually listen to in a day's time and update weather information and fill out logs and have people constantly come ask you where other people are although you have been sitting alone at a desk in a room and have no conceivable way of knowing where ANYbody is does not give you the right to sit there read this and make your absurd assumptions about my mental stability because I love carrots. There I SAID it. And you, you probably don't even have cargo pockets, do you. Yea thats what I thought.

It's an Orange day in La Push. We played mud football before I went to the dentist in Port Angeles this morning, and my team won by alot, even though no one could feel their feet.

bangarang ya'll!

So this is Christmas... ?

I haven't done much to prepare for the holiday season, but I am lookin for those opportunities to

"reach out and tooooouuch someone"

So far, this has been my most creative approach to the holidays, but that isn't really saying much. I cannot say what I'v been conjuring, but its just so bueno. The end of the season will be met by me with an entirely new stockpile of crafty skills.

Pow!

On an even more spectacular and inspiring note, I am now 25 days away from the moment that I have been waiting for my entire life, and shortly thereafter the word family will take on an all-encompassingly new meaning, for me. This is a very encouraging thought as I approach my first Christmas away from home.

It is good that I bring that up, because that thought has been subconsciously shoved to the back of my mind each time it bubbles to the surface. It is absolutely true that I love my family dearly, and it is impossible to imagine not being with them at this time of the year, but even so, when I am with them I am most always dreaming of something else, some great adventure or experience just around the corner that I know must be met by me alone, because my family neither understands nor appreciates the invigorating wonder that comes to me when I just "go". I have always been uncomfortable when living in a bubble, but this truth has only been realized in recent years, and I want this Christmas to leave its mark on me as the year that I fully embraced the gifts that can't be wrapped, those that surface in the moments when you make yourself vulnerable and maybe even slightly uncomfortable so that someone else may be blessed by your actions and your servitude.

The opportunity to serve, to live Jesus style again even if only for a short time, to surprise someone who has never seen or heard of me in their life, this is what I want for my Christmas. I want the opportunity to share a story about a Christmas that I experienced without having to say "I" or "me".

My prayer for the Christmas season is that when the opportunity to share the gift of the Spirit of Jesus presents itself, even in a subtle manner, I won't hesitate for a second to be that "good and faithful servant".
It is so easy to think of ourselves, to be wrapped up in expectations and traditions and comfort and egotism that we overlook what really matters right now, and although we may even say that "Jesus is the reason" we spend this season far away from the places where Jesus would be found if he were still walking among us today: in the slums, on the streets, with the lame and old, sick, crippled, cold, hungry, hopeless, abandoned. These things don't sound like Christmas, but that is Christ.

Maybe I will be able to say that these things added up to more than just words on a computer screen, maybe not. Maybe I will spend as much time looking for the hopeless as I do with a cup of coffee and a good book? Maybe not. Forks is usually too drunk to care, so who knows if I'll find what I'm looking for there? Maybe in Port Angeles? Rich white folks need lovin, too. There is a free dinner at a church on Friday nights in PA, but I haven't made myself available for that even after knowing about it for months. Maybe I'm tired of acting alone? Maybe I don't care about this stuff as much as I want to?

Maybe not?

Whatever the truth is behind my motivation, I truthfully have a desire to act. Comfortable living during the holidays is great, but those are not the moments that change lives forever and ever, and make a lasting impression on the souls around us. It would be dishonest to say that these ideas come to me when I am already uncomfortable. For instance, I have a space heater at my back and food in my stomach at this moment. There was some coffee a while ago, but it tasted terrible. I am even so comfortable that I can complain about my coffee right now! I feel so far from my potential as a servant, so far from fulfilling my calling, but at least I recognize these things? Now I'm frustrated. Look what I've done.

Maybe I should just stop.

Happy Christmas, Merry Hanukah, Cheery Kwanza. If I left anyone out, please smile and know you are loved.

bangarang.

Indirectly Attentive

I submitted this for an assignment in a Learning Fundamentals class that I am taking. Sounded "me" enough to put it up here, too.

bubububububangarang.

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The more I consider the style with which I direct and focus my attention, the more clear I see that this style depends entirely on whatever task I am performing. When I drive around the lake near my house, my attention is focused on staying between the lines of the road and maintaining a speed that will not attract the attention of the authority. When I take the bus, my attention is directed towards the patterns of waves in the water, or the scope of colors and how they interact. I often strive to see the big picture, but I do this by seeing how each small part works together. Imagining how one small particle or piece of what I see affects everything surrounding it greatly amuses me, and I tend to find myself wondering how the world would be different without the seemingly insignificant piece of the picture. Learning or discussing information with other people can be dangerous, as I have the tendency to believe that I know at least some truth behind all things, so I constantly have to take time to consider how the knowledge that I have came to me. One of my favorite things to practice, as I go about my day, is "throwing away" the beliefs or preconceived ideas that I have about the world around me. In this way, I am able to begin taking in information with a fresh mind, or an "empty canvas." Often I imagine myself as a small child again, and this enables me to learn about the world around me without the spectrum of words and labels that society has attatched to the perception of nature. This week's lesson has helped me to understand how integral my imagination has become to my own learning process, and I am very thankful for that.

My attention is constantly wandering. This makes it difficult to have a consistent conversation with anyone, whether it be because I am unable to stay on topic or because my attention has led me away from that person entirely (though all they see is me nodding and seemingly quite interested). For this reason, I am unable to have conversations with people based on topics that do not interest me. Upon learning this about myself, I have also learned that I have never once regretted maintaining silence while others around me share ideas. After many years of speaking out on things that I do not know, I have learned that it is always better to acknowledge what I do not know, and then to begin from there with an open mind.

"gimme some sugar, baby."

I see You

I learned today that, when we learn, not only are our minds engaged in the thinking process, but so is the rest of our body. Quantum physics has already proven that everything is connected by an extremely intricate and rapidly-communicating web of information-energy, so I don't need to go into that, but I'd never really taken the time to try and understand just how quickly the parts of our bodies communicate with each other and react accordingly.

Of course, we can take this idea and stretch it from merely applying to our physical bodies to see it work on a much larger scale (such as the cosmos, or humanity at large), but what good does it do to dwell on how we are all connected if it makes no difference in how we live our life? The law of attraction teaches us that when we communicate to the world around us, there is reciprocation. The more that a particular idea is expressed to other people, or simply to whatever one may choose, the greater the impact of the response. What a thought!

I'v been engaging the Spirit for some time now in reference to the woman of my dreams, and not only has she materialized and drawn near to me periodically, she has become the yin to my yang and the completion of my own realm of awareness. It is one thing to think back on a song in the morning and hear it in the afternoon, or to be reminded of a film and watch it unexpectedly the following day, or even to recall an old friend one day and bump into them on the street the next week, but to seek and know unceasingly that your treasure, your goal and purpose is out there among the stars waiting for you to call its name is a mi-racle.

This was not intended to be a chronicling of my great romantic passion for Rachel, although that should not be neglected, nor was there any significant reason that I sat down to lay my thoughts out this way; however, when the opportunity comes to understand that wisdom, knowledge and insight allow you to take charge of your life by creating something observable not only to others but to one's self in particular, to dismiss the thought for something requiring less imagination is petty. I don't want to be petty. Maybe pretty, but not petty.

I don't write about my life happenings much. That is not to say that much does not happen to me, but rather too many crazy/unexpected/impossibly unanticipated and quirky things happen in my day-to-day that there is nowhere to record the madness properly. Today, I woke up and got on a boat. My shipmates and I went out on the water, had some fun, came back. I did some work cooking/cleaning/washing dishes/homework/hygeine/that stuff, worked out to the Fellowship of the Ring, watched a beautiful and awesome snow-fall in La Push (which may do its part to keep me in La Push come tomorrow morning).

Needless to say, today wasn't the most unusual or exciting, but it's leading me to tomorrow. One of these tomorrows, that girl who is right now driving in the snow on one of my favorite roads in the world leading from Colorado Springs to Fairplay with her loving family and contributing to my madness from being separated at such a distance from there to here (THAT girl.) will be riding with me from Dallas to the Olympic Peninsula to live and thrive beside who? this guy.

I don't know if the world will end soon. I want to say probably not, but who am I to assume anything? I'v heard some crazy ideas and seen some thought-provoking patterns play themselves out across the globe, but our knowledge is limited for a reason. Contrary to popular belief, life is more about faith than knowledge. Whatever happens in the next few years makes no difference to me as long as she's here. I am not dependent on any dream or vision or idea of co-habitation for my happiness, but dude I am in love and I'm a sick lost poor confused little boy without that Woman, and the time is nigh for me to make her Know that she is the Queen Heiress Goddess of Utopia Planet This and I'm gonna do it right by her, by her family, by her Creator, by the stars in the sky outside the window until I'm just another one of them, so help me God.

bird cage blues

On Utopia.

There is nothing more difficult to plan, more doubtful of success, more dangerous to manage than the creation of a new system. The innovator has the enmity of all who profit by the preservation of the old system and only lukewarm defenders by those who would gain by the new system. (Machiavelli, 1513)

And though the philosopher may live remote from business, the genius of philosophy, if carefully cultivated by several, must gradually diffuse itself throughout the whole society, and bestow a similar correctness on every art and calling. (David Hume, 1737)

All of us who are concerned for peace and triumph of reason and justice must be keenly aware how small an influence reason and honest good will exert upon events in the political field.
(Albert Einstein, 1954)

Once again, the wheels in my head are spinning out of control. When trying to find Reason and Morality in the political structure around me, I'm led only to the conclusion that such things have been abandoned, as they neither generate mass consumption nor do they bind the individual to a lifelong dependency to society at large.

Wouldn't it be nice to wake up, eat a meal consisting of food produced directly by us and the direct community in which we dwell, practice hygeine in a manner that didn't require the purchase of FDA-approved goods manufactured and shipped in from God-knows-where, put on warm clothes designed, hemmed and stitched by ourselves and our children and go about our business doing only what is necessary to live well today?

Some may consider these ideas narrow-minded and impractical, and I would accuse those people of being Lazy Asses. There is no substitute for imagination, no matter how easy or how popular new & shiny and regardless of monetary benefits. Those who stand in the way of the progression of the Human Race, to which we all belong, believe it or not, are also the slaves of comfort and convenience. If one cannot properly realize that each life determines its own course, than such an individual has no right to be in a position of authority or influence.

What do you think, Bert?

"It is only a slight exaggeration to say that mankind constitutes even now a planetary community of production and consumption. I have now reached the point where I may indicate briefly what to me constitutes the essence of the crisis in our time. It concerns the relationship of the individual to society. The individual has become more conscious than ever of his dependence upon society. But he does not experience this dependence as a positive asset, as an organic tie, as a protective force, but rather as a threat to his natural rights, or even to his economic existence. Moreover, his position in society is such that the egotistical drives of his make-up are constantly being accentuated, while his social drives, which are by nature weaker, progressively deteriorate. All human beings, whatever their position in society, are suffering from this process of deterioration. Unknowingly prisoners of their own egotism, they feel insecure, lonely, and deprived of the naive, simple and unsophisticated enjoyment of life. Man can find meaning in life, short and perilous as it is, only through devoting himself to society. The economic anarchy of capitalist society as it exists today is, in my opinion, the real source of evil." (Albert Einstein, 1949)

I catch your drift.

HOOW LONG WILL THE MADNESS PREVAIL??!

"God in the safe, Ford on the shelves... All of the advantages of Christianity and alcohol; none of their defects"

bangarang.

just ludicrous

I suppose that I am doomed, judging from the constant flux of influence and persuasion from every direction. The more that I rely on what I feel is right and noble, as opposed to what is dominantly suggested throughout this society into which I have been born, the more my path seems destined for certain decadence.

I have no desire to make a six-figure income. What on Earth would I do with such a sum of money? The needs for resources around the world are great, no doubt, but luxurious temptations are far too vast and too powerful when it comes to accepting a wealth of that magnitude, as can be observed everywhere: from politicians to leaders in the church, from physicians (whose riches originated with a desire to heal) to uptown yuppies to the spoiled offspring of that particular class of world-wide society that just has more than they know what to do with. When considering the problems that exist internationally today, I cannot get past the Truth that there is “enough for everyone’s need, but not for everyone’s greed.”

It is the open pursuit of that beautiful simplicity of life that guides me to my seemingly perilous destiny. Such has led me to wisdom of old, demonstrated by a way of life that was abandoned in these parts of the world a century ago. I am aaaaamazed by accounts of Native Americans, the First People, as they describe what life was like before Whitey came across the water. In those days, a man’s image as a Man was determined by such virtues as Integrity, Honesty, Compassion, Selflessness, Honor and Bravery. Security was an entirely foreign concept. They feared the White race for a variety of reasons, but mainly for the selfish and heartless motives and methods used in the expansion of its “territory”. They were incapable of comprehending what it was about the “yellow metal that drives White Men crazy.”

It would be easy to go off on many tangents at this point, but what I want to focus on is how so many customs of the White race seemed completely unnecessary, overly complex and inhumane. Why take more than what is absolutely necessary to provide sustenance for today? Consumerism was unknown, and today it is mandatory. Only dead, fallen wood was collected on a daily basis for fires and building projects. The well-being of every living thing was considered equally, Mankind was only another extension of Wakan Tanka, or the “Mysterious Great/ Great Spirit”.

Yeah, so this is unrealistic in today’s society. Or is it? If I truly consider myself “in the world, but not of it,” then who is to say that this dream can’t lead me to that quality of life that makes life worth living?

Will I fulfill my potential if I never buy a new car? What if I tried mending old clothes or making my own before buying the latest Abercrombie and Fitch? Would that make me an outcast? I’m in the business of making Grace evident, not diluting it with a price tag.

This is what I believe, this is what I desire for myself and for my family, and I’m sticking to it, completely unafraid. Future, here I come.