So this is Christmas... ?

I haven't done much to prepare for the holiday season, but I am lookin for those opportunities to

"reach out and tooooouuch someone"

So far, this has been my most creative approach to the holidays, but that isn't really saying much. I cannot say what I'v been conjuring, but its just so bueno. The end of the season will be met by me with an entirely new stockpile of crafty skills.

Pow!

On an even more spectacular and inspiring note, I am now 25 days away from the moment that I have been waiting for my entire life, and shortly thereafter the word family will take on an all-encompassingly new meaning, for me. This is a very encouraging thought as I approach my first Christmas away from home.

It is good that I bring that up, because that thought has been subconsciously shoved to the back of my mind each time it bubbles to the surface. It is absolutely true that I love my family dearly, and it is impossible to imagine not being with them at this time of the year, but even so, when I am with them I am most always dreaming of something else, some great adventure or experience just around the corner that I know must be met by me alone, because my family neither understands nor appreciates the invigorating wonder that comes to me when I just "go". I have always been uncomfortable when living in a bubble, but this truth has only been realized in recent years, and I want this Christmas to leave its mark on me as the year that I fully embraced the gifts that can't be wrapped, those that surface in the moments when you make yourself vulnerable and maybe even slightly uncomfortable so that someone else may be blessed by your actions and your servitude.

The opportunity to serve, to live Jesus style again even if only for a short time, to surprise someone who has never seen or heard of me in their life, this is what I want for my Christmas. I want the opportunity to share a story about a Christmas that I experienced without having to say "I" or "me".

My prayer for the Christmas season is that when the opportunity to share the gift of the Spirit of Jesus presents itself, even in a subtle manner, I won't hesitate for a second to be that "good and faithful servant".
It is so easy to think of ourselves, to be wrapped up in expectations and traditions and comfort and egotism that we overlook what really matters right now, and although we may even say that "Jesus is the reason" we spend this season far away from the places where Jesus would be found if he were still walking among us today: in the slums, on the streets, with the lame and old, sick, crippled, cold, hungry, hopeless, abandoned. These things don't sound like Christmas, but that is Christ.

Maybe I will be able to say that these things added up to more than just words on a computer screen, maybe not. Maybe I will spend as much time looking for the hopeless as I do with a cup of coffee and a good book? Maybe not. Forks is usually too drunk to care, so who knows if I'll find what I'm looking for there? Maybe in Port Angeles? Rich white folks need lovin, too. There is a free dinner at a church on Friday nights in PA, but I haven't made myself available for that even after knowing about it for months. Maybe I'm tired of acting alone? Maybe I don't care about this stuff as much as I want to?

Maybe not?

Whatever the truth is behind my motivation, I truthfully have a desire to act. Comfortable living during the holidays is great, but those are not the moments that change lives forever and ever, and make a lasting impression on the souls around us. It would be dishonest to say that these ideas come to me when I am already uncomfortable. For instance, I have a space heater at my back and food in my stomach at this moment. There was some coffee a while ago, but it tasted terrible. I am even so comfortable that I can complain about my coffee right now! I feel so far from my potential as a servant, so far from fulfilling my calling, but at least I recognize these things? Now I'm frustrated. Look what I've done.

Maybe I should just stop.

Happy Christmas, Merry Hanukah, Cheery Kwanza. If I left anyone out, please smile and know you are loved.

bangarang.