Orange day in La Push

Strange to think... Beginning from one hour before now, I shall be standing standing communications watch at Ja Coast Guard Stashun Quillayute River in La Bouche, Washington (State), until several hours post-sundown. Whilst I do this deed, my entire family shalt be congregating with my lovely young Lady-friend, Rachel Wappel, and Company, in Edmond, Oklahoma, the town where I didst endure my childhood and early teen years.

that's weird.

Not weird because this particular selection of persons will be dining amongst each other, which is a normal thing to do for such conversation and familiarization rituals, but weird because these people are all connected by one factor:

The current Coast Guard Stashun Quillayute River communications watchstander in La Bouche, Washington (State).

that's weird.

It would be dishonest of me to say that I am not amused by the idea of this social gathering in the name of my love for Rachel (which it totally is), but I do still feel ever-so-slightly distraught at having to be standing this damn watch at Coast Guard Stashun QYwilltuyekl Rio while my family and the woman who drives me out of my mind with no more than a glance in my direction (and Company) meet to grow as friends with the increasing awareness of what future family tidings lay ahead.

Yes, I am amused. It is an encouraging thought, knowing that in two weeks precisely from this moment, in which I am typing a "blog" (what does that word even mean?) and preparing to do a Bar Restriction Broadcast in less than one minute from now (screw it, I'll just do it right now. Stand by...), I shalt be driving hither from Dallass Texass (hehehe) with that girl sitting right next to me.

Freekin Hoyt! (Quileute term which means somethin totally radical that I don't actually know)

Anywho. So I will push on through, occasionally pulling a carrot out of my pocket to keep me occupied.

Just because you don't carry a stash of carrots in your cargo pockets to get you through the day when you have to sit at a desk for eight hours and answer phones and listen to the radio and make broadcasts that maybe a handful of people actually listen to in a day's time and update weather information and fill out logs and have people constantly come ask you where other people are although you have been sitting alone at a desk in a room and have no conceivable way of knowing where ANYbody is does not give you the right to sit there read this and make your absurd assumptions about my mental stability because I love carrots. There I SAID it. And you, you probably don't even have cargo pockets, do you. Yea thats what I thought.

It's an Orange day in La Push. We played mud football before I went to the dentist in Port Angeles this morning, and my team won by alot, even though no one could feel their feet.

bangarang ya'll!

So this is Christmas... ?

I haven't done much to prepare for the holiday season, but I am lookin for those opportunities to

"reach out and tooooouuch someone"

So far, this has been my most creative approach to the holidays, but that isn't really saying much. I cannot say what I'v been conjuring, but its just so bueno. The end of the season will be met by me with an entirely new stockpile of crafty skills.

Pow!

On an even more spectacular and inspiring note, I am now 25 days away from the moment that I have been waiting for my entire life, and shortly thereafter the word family will take on an all-encompassingly new meaning, for me. This is a very encouraging thought as I approach my first Christmas away from home.

It is good that I bring that up, because that thought has been subconsciously shoved to the back of my mind each time it bubbles to the surface. It is absolutely true that I love my family dearly, and it is impossible to imagine not being with them at this time of the year, but even so, when I am with them I am most always dreaming of something else, some great adventure or experience just around the corner that I know must be met by me alone, because my family neither understands nor appreciates the invigorating wonder that comes to me when I just "go". I have always been uncomfortable when living in a bubble, but this truth has only been realized in recent years, and I want this Christmas to leave its mark on me as the year that I fully embraced the gifts that can't be wrapped, those that surface in the moments when you make yourself vulnerable and maybe even slightly uncomfortable so that someone else may be blessed by your actions and your servitude.

The opportunity to serve, to live Jesus style again even if only for a short time, to surprise someone who has never seen or heard of me in their life, this is what I want for my Christmas. I want the opportunity to share a story about a Christmas that I experienced without having to say "I" or "me".

My prayer for the Christmas season is that when the opportunity to share the gift of the Spirit of Jesus presents itself, even in a subtle manner, I won't hesitate for a second to be that "good and faithful servant".
It is so easy to think of ourselves, to be wrapped up in expectations and traditions and comfort and egotism that we overlook what really matters right now, and although we may even say that "Jesus is the reason" we spend this season far away from the places where Jesus would be found if he were still walking among us today: in the slums, on the streets, with the lame and old, sick, crippled, cold, hungry, hopeless, abandoned. These things don't sound like Christmas, but that is Christ.

Maybe I will be able to say that these things added up to more than just words on a computer screen, maybe not. Maybe I will spend as much time looking for the hopeless as I do with a cup of coffee and a good book? Maybe not. Forks is usually too drunk to care, so who knows if I'll find what I'm looking for there? Maybe in Port Angeles? Rich white folks need lovin, too. There is a free dinner at a church on Friday nights in PA, but I haven't made myself available for that even after knowing about it for months. Maybe I'm tired of acting alone? Maybe I don't care about this stuff as much as I want to?

Maybe not?

Whatever the truth is behind my motivation, I truthfully have a desire to act. Comfortable living during the holidays is great, but those are not the moments that change lives forever and ever, and make a lasting impression on the souls around us. It would be dishonest to say that these ideas come to me when I am already uncomfortable. For instance, I have a space heater at my back and food in my stomach at this moment. There was some coffee a while ago, but it tasted terrible. I am even so comfortable that I can complain about my coffee right now! I feel so far from my potential as a servant, so far from fulfilling my calling, but at least I recognize these things? Now I'm frustrated. Look what I've done.

Maybe I should just stop.

Happy Christmas, Merry Hanukah, Cheery Kwanza. If I left anyone out, please smile and know you are loved.

bangarang.

Indirectly Attentive

I submitted this for an assignment in a Learning Fundamentals class that I am taking. Sounded "me" enough to put it up here, too.

bubububububangarang.

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The more I consider the style with which I direct and focus my attention, the more clear I see that this style depends entirely on whatever task I am performing. When I drive around the lake near my house, my attention is focused on staying between the lines of the road and maintaining a speed that will not attract the attention of the authority. When I take the bus, my attention is directed towards the patterns of waves in the water, or the scope of colors and how they interact. I often strive to see the big picture, but I do this by seeing how each small part works together. Imagining how one small particle or piece of what I see affects everything surrounding it greatly amuses me, and I tend to find myself wondering how the world would be different without the seemingly insignificant piece of the picture. Learning or discussing information with other people can be dangerous, as I have the tendency to believe that I know at least some truth behind all things, so I constantly have to take time to consider how the knowledge that I have came to me. One of my favorite things to practice, as I go about my day, is "throwing away" the beliefs or preconceived ideas that I have about the world around me. In this way, I am able to begin taking in information with a fresh mind, or an "empty canvas." Often I imagine myself as a small child again, and this enables me to learn about the world around me without the spectrum of words and labels that society has attatched to the perception of nature. This week's lesson has helped me to understand how integral my imagination has become to my own learning process, and I am very thankful for that.

My attention is constantly wandering. This makes it difficult to have a consistent conversation with anyone, whether it be because I am unable to stay on topic or because my attention has led me away from that person entirely (though all they see is me nodding and seemingly quite interested). For this reason, I am unable to have conversations with people based on topics that do not interest me. Upon learning this about myself, I have also learned that I have never once regretted maintaining silence while others around me share ideas. After many years of speaking out on things that I do not know, I have learned that it is always better to acknowledge what I do not know, and then to begin from there with an open mind.

"gimme some sugar, baby."

I see You

I learned today that, when we learn, not only are our minds engaged in the thinking process, but so is the rest of our body. Quantum physics has already proven that everything is connected by an extremely intricate and rapidly-communicating web of information-energy, so I don't need to go into that, but I'd never really taken the time to try and understand just how quickly the parts of our bodies communicate with each other and react accordingly.

Of course, we can take this idea and stretch it from merely applying to our physical bodies to see it work on a much larger scale (such as the cosmos, or humanity at large), but what good does it do to dwell on how we are all connected if it makes no difference in how we live our life? The law of attraction teaches us that when we communicate to the world around us, there is reciprocation. The more that a particular idea is expressed to other people, or simply to whatever one may choose, the greater the impact of the response. What a thought!

I'v been engaging the Spirit for some time now in reference to the woman of my dreams, and not only has she materialized and drawn near to me periodically, she has become the yin to my yang and the completion of my own realm of awareness. It is one thing to think back on a song in the morning and hear it in the afternoon, or to be reminded of a film and watch it unexpectedly the following day, or even to recall an old friend one day and bump into them on the street the next week, but to seek and know unceasingly that your treasure, your goal and purpose is out there among the stars waiting for you to call its name is a mi-racle.

This was not intended to be a chronicling of my great romantic passion for Rachel, although that should not be neglected, nor was there any significant reason that I sat down to lay my thoughts out this way; however, when the opportunity comes to understand that wisdom, knowledge and insight allow you to take charge of your life by creating something observable not only to others but to one's self in particular, to dismiss the thought for something requiring less imagination is petty. I don't want to be petty. Maybe pretty, but not petty.

I don't write about my life happenings much. That is not to say that much does not happen to me, but rather too many crazy/unexpected/impossibly unanticipated and quirky things happen in my day-to-day that there is nowhere to record the madness properly. Today, I woke up and got on a boat. My shipmates and I went out on the water, had some fun, came back. I did some work cooking/cleaning/washing dishes/homework/hygeine/that stuff, worked out to the Fellowship of the Ring, watched a beautiful and awesome snow-fall in La Push (which may do its part to keep me in La Push come tomorrow morning).

Needless to say, today wasn't the most unusual or exciting, but it's leading me to tomorrow. One of these tomorrows, that girl who is right now driving in the snow on one of my favorite roads in the world leading from Colorado Springs to Fairplay with her loving family and contributing to my madness from being separated at such a distance from there to here (THAT girl.) will be riding with me from Dallas to the Olympic Peninsula to live and thrive beside who? this guy.

I don't know if the world will end soon. I want to say probably not, but who am I to assume anything? I'v heard some crazy ideas and seen some thought-provoking patterns play themselves out across the globe, but our knowledge is limited for a reason. Contrary to popular belief, life is more about faith than knowledge. Whatever happens in the next few years makes no difference to me as long as she's here. I am not dependent on any dream or vision or idea of co-habitation for my happiness, but dude I am in love and I'm a sick lost poor confused little boy without that Woman, and the time is nigh for me to make her Know that she is the Queen Heiress Goddess of Utopia Planet This and I'm gonna do it right by her, by her family, by her Creator, by the stars in the sky outside the window until I'm just another one of them, so help me God.

bird cage blues

On Utopia.

There is nothing more difficult to plan, more doubtful of success, more dangerous to manage than the creation of a new system. The innovator has the enmity of all who profit by the preservation of the old system and only lukewarm defenders by those who would gain by the new system. (Machiavelli, 1513)

And though the philosopher may live remote from business, the genius of philosophy, if carefully cultivated by several, must gradually diffuse itself throughout the whole society, and bestow a similar correctness on every art and calling. (David Hume, 1737)

All of us who are concerned for peace and triumph of reason and justice must be keenly aware how small an influence reason and honest good will exert upon events in the political field.
(Albert Einstein, 1954)

Once again, the wheels in my head are spinning out of control. When trying to find Reason and Morality in the political structure around me, I'm led only to the conclusion that such things have been abandoned, as they neither generate mass consumption nor do they bind the individual to a lifelong dependency to society at large.

Wouldn't it be nice to wake up, eat a meal consisting of food produced directly by us and the direct community in which we dwell, practice hygeine in a manner that didn't require the purchase of FDA-approved goods manufactured and shipped in from God-knows-where, put on warm clothes designed, hemmed and stitched by ourselves and our children and go about our business doing only what is necessary to live well today?

Some may consider these ideas narrow-minded and impractical, and I would accuse those people of being Lazy Asses. There is no substitute for imagination, no matter how easy or how popular new & shiny and regardless of monetary benefits. Those who stand in the way of the progression of the Human Race, to which we all belong, believe it or not, are also the slaves of comfort and convenience. If one cannot properly realize that each life determines its own course, than such an individual has no right to be in a position of authority or influence.

What do you think, Bert?

"It is only a slight exaggeration to say that mankind constitutes even now a planetary community of production and consumption. I have now reached the point where I may indicate briefly what to me constitutes the essence of the crisis in our time. It concerns the relationship of the individual to society. The individual has become more conscious than ever of his dependence upon society. But he does not experience this dependence as a positive asset, as an organic tie, as a protective force, but rather as a threat to his natural rights, or even to his economic existence. Moreover, his position in society is such that the egotistical drives of his make-up are constantly being accentuated, while his social drives, which are by nature weaker, progressively deteriorate. All human beings, whatever their position in society, are suffering from this process of deterioration. Unknowingly prisoners of their own egotism, they feel insecure, lonely, and deprived of the naive, simple and unsophisticated enjoyment of life. Man can find meaning in life, short and perilous as it is, only through devoting himself to society. The economic anarchy of capitalist society as it exists today is, in my opinion, the real source of evil." (Albert Einstein, 1949)

I catch your drift.

HOOW LONG WILL THE MADNESS PREVAIL??!

"God in the safe, Ford on the shelves... All of the advantages of Christianity and alcohol; none of their defects"

bangarang.

just ludicrous

I suppose that I am doomed, judging from the constant flux of influence and persuasion from every direction. The more that I rely on what I feel is right and noble, as opposed to what is dominantly suggested throughout this society into which I have been born, the more my path seems destined for certain decadence.

I have no desire to make a six-figure income. What on Earth would I do with such a sum of money? The needs for resources around the world are great, no doubt, but luxurious temptations are far too vast and too powerful when it comes to accepting a wealth of that magnitude, as can be observed everywhere: from politicians to leaders in the church, from physicians (whose riches originated with a desire to heal) to uptown yuppies to the spoiled offspring of that particular class of world-wide society that just has more than they know what to do with. When considering the problems that exist internationally today, I cannot get past the Truth that there is “enough for everyone’s need, but not for everyone’s greed.”

It is the open pursuit of that beautiful simplicity of life that guides me to my seemingly perilous destiny. Such has led me to wisdom of old, demonstrated by a way of life that was abandoned in these parts of the world a century ago. I am aaaaamazed by accounts of Native Americans, the First People, as they describe what life was like before Whitey came across the water. In those days, a man’s image as a Man was determined by such virtues as Integrity, Honesty, Compassion, Selflessness, Honor and Bravery. Security was an entirely foreign concept. They feared the White race for a variety of reasons, but mainly for the selfish and heartless motives and methods used in the expansion of its “territory”. They were incapable of comprehending what it was about the “yellow metal that drives White Men crazy.”

It would be easy to go off on many tangents at this point, but what I want to focus on is how so many customs of the White race seemed completely unnecessary, overly complex and inhumane. Why take more than what is absolutely necessary to provide sustenance for today? Consumerism was unknown, and today it is mandatory. Only dead, fallen wood was collected on a daily basis for fires and building projects. The well-being of every living thing was considered equally, Mankind was only another extension of Wakan Tanka, or the “Mysterious Great/ Great Spirit”.

Yeah, so this is unrealistic in today’s society. Or is it? If I truly consider myself “in the world, but not of it,” then who is to say that this dream can’t lead me to that quality of life that makes life worth living?

Will I fulfill my potential if I never buy a new car? What if I tried mending old clothes or making my own before buying the latest Abercrombie and Fitch? Would that make me an outcast? I’m in the business of making Grace evident, not diluting it with a price tag.

This is what I believe, this is what I desire for myself and for my family, and I’m sticking to it, completely unafraid. Future, here I come.

gold-star homeboy

I look thus within, seeking verses to satisfy frustration.

Listening, waiting, dreaming, waiting, wondering

Not of necessity, but rather to appease this bubbling sense of dominion,

All to prove a point that needs not to be proven.

I find that words are lost that are spent on speakers unable to listen,

And the lessons they tell could be told back, only to be denied,

As it did not come from their own lips.

Further analyzing my situation leads only to the understanding

That such delegations, as have been passed to me, exist without the luxury of Reason,

As the thirst of one is not deeply considered by He who is not thirsty.

However, if the one without thirst wishes to win favor with the thirsty,

Quenching such thirst thus takes priority, though not quite for the sake of good health,

But instead for the image of the keeper of the precious Water.

The subordinate of such a keeper has many lessons to learn,

The first, of course, being the open acknowledgement of subordination.

The mind is a wonderful tool for carrying out orders,

But a robot is better.

The lesson of acquiring skills comparable to the superior takes more time,

And carries the likelihood of a decreasing sense of authority,

Which rarely plays out well for the submissive party.

The most helpful hint that can be remembered,

Which will carry those under the authority of others in the most trying of times,

Is that the existence of the subordinate, as such, is only valuable so long as it improves the

Image of Him whom is being submitted to.

The lesser, however, can and will remain the victor, so long

As he keeps his wit about him, and never forsakes

The capacity for thought, which the appointed leader

Will most likely have dismissed, striving to be what someone else desires he be.

The motivating factor behind the business of each submissive party        

Must be a sense of duty, and steadfast devotion to such, and never for personal recognition of

Achievement, as the overseer of such accomplishments will most always lay claim

To whatever glory exists therein.

Dignity will forever be sustained so long as the power of the Mind does not go unused;

For smiling leads to victory, complaining to defeat;

Integrity is the path to self-respect and honor, but laziness is a burden to all;

The conscious use of eye-contact will cut like a knife the pride

Of whomsoever wishes to keep his hands clean.

But lo! there is always that one simple Truth,

Guiding each soul tasked with submitting to the ego of another,

Shining like the brightest star in the darkest night,

Bound to an endless knowledge of hope and forever restoring peace of mind:

Karma, is a bitch.

 

bangarang.

What it is.

Yea so I started a blog. Why not? Some people seem to be into the things that pop into my head, so yea dude, dig it. So now where to start? These ain't the first thoughts to emerge from the depths of my madness, but whatev man here I go.

If there's anything that I've learned in my days, it's that every which way you look, there is something to be seen. What's more is that the closer you look, the more the mystery of life reveals how little you actually understand. If one so chooses to explore this mystery with their eyes closed, they'd better be prepared to wake up. or fall asleep.

Spending too much time indoors makes you dull. That's a fact. What a crazy idea it is, but so very true, that climbing a tree can be the very best part of your day. If you happen to be reading this, and you are paraplegic, I'm sorry. Don't mean to tease, maybe you could go find a bonsai tree? Those look like fun?

I don't care who you are or how much weight you've lost with Wii Fit, but television and video games are a WASTE OF YOUR DAMN LIFE. Your imagination exists for a reason, even if you try rearry hard to pretend like you don't have one. Letting someone else decide where your mind wanders makes you less human and more boring. Reading is not a waste of time. No, it's not. I have found that a good book can be anything that causes you to see life from some other perspective than your own, and still allows you to decide the sounds, colors and feelings through which you perceive it.

Every human encounter has the potential to be a beautiful experience for all parties involved. Just use your imagination. Dwelling on how best to seek revenge or exactly what to say to make someone feel like an ass only has negative effects on everyone, but mainly the schemer of such things. The crazy thing about Love is, it works every time.

Jesus is where it's at. Remember that and life will be blessed in every way. It definitely won't be easy, but it will be exceptionally remarkable and magnificent, every day. That's not to say that Buddha didn't know what he was doing, because his true followers demonstrate the most beautiful fruits of the Spirit imaginable. There is Truth to be found in all walks of Life, and building walls because of simple misunderstandings or unusual practices is ignorance and is detrimental to any Spiritual Journey or Pursuit of Holiness. If you don't take the time to try to understand someone, then you're just another pharisee. You can be the first to throw your stone.

I don't pretend to be any more holy than anyone else, I'm just a bum who got picked up by the U.S. Coast Guard a year ago. Shoot man, I'm still in the Coast Guard. I remember that like once a day when I realize I'm not kickin it with some endangered species of goats in the Himalayas. Damn. Whatev dude at least I have a blog now.

More to come.

Peace, love, bangarang.